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335 Corny Dad Jokes – Embarrassingly silly but funny!

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Corny dad jokes are irrefutably great in its lameness, that it’s impossible to offend anyone.

Okay, maybe dad jokes have never actually left someone slapping their knee, bent over with laughter.

Instead, the best corny jokes dished out by the silliest jokers is more intended to conjure a little giggle and lighten the mood.

Now, here’s the absolute best part about the particular category of hilarious jokes known as dad jokes. Dad jokes are for everyone; not just dads.

So if you’ve been patiently waiting to gracefully age into some culturally accepted age or status to start enjoying these clever nuggets of delightful silliness, wait no longer.

We’ve got the best corny dad jokes for you right here, and they’re begging to be used.

Contents

15 Best Corny Dad Jokes

The absolute best corny dad jokes accomplish at least two of three things: 1) they make you think, 2) they make you smile, and 3) they make you chuckle.

Here are the 15 best corny dad jokes:

1. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

A perfectly spooky one for the Halloween season.

Show Answer

Answer

Because they have no body to go with.

2. Did you hear the rumor about butter?

What’s better than butter? Jokes about butter, of course.

Show Answer

Answer

Well, I’m not going to spread it!

3. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

An invisible man that you can’t see is offered a job. Sounds like a fantastic plot line.

Show Answer

Answer

He couldn’t see himself doing it!

4. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other,

Show Answer

Answer

“Do you know how to drive this thing?”

5. “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?”

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Answer

It was two tired.

6. “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?”

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Answer

Ten tickles.

7. “When does a joke become a dad joke?”

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Answer

When it becomes apparent.

8. What do you call a sheep without legs?

Show Answer

Answer

A cloud.

9. Cannibals aren’t very sociable.

Show Answer

Answer

They’re all fed up with people.

10. I don’t know why people have a problem with wigs.

Show Answer

Answer

It’s a look anybody can pull off!

11. Dad, looking at soy milk:

Show Answer

Answer

“Holá, milk, soy dad.”

12. What do polar bears eat for breakfast?

Show Answer

Answer

Frosted flakes.

13. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

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Answer

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

14. Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

Show Answer

Answer

Its very time-consuming.

15. What do you call a midget-psychic that just escaped from jail?

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Answer

A small medium at large.

14 Corny Bad Dad Jokes

A main appeal to dad jokes is that they’re often so bad that they’re humorous.

And these super corny bad dad jokes are meant to disintegrate the worst of moods and change the biggest of frowns.

Here are 14 corny bad dad jokes:

16. My boss told me to have a good day.

A easy dad joke that everyone can relate to.

Show Answer

Answer

So I went home!

17. What do you call a sad coffee?

Try this one out the next time you’re sipping in your local coffee shop.

Show Answer

Answer

A depresso!

18. How does a hamburger introduce his new girlfriend?

Good food jokes just never get old.

Show Answer

Answer

Meet Patty!

19. Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France?

Show Answer


They were cooked in Greece.
Answer

20. Why don’t crabs give to charity?

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Answer

Because they’re shellfish.

21. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

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Answer

Because he felt crummy.

22. How do you make a handkerchief dance?

Show Answer

Answer

Put a little boogie in it!

23. Why do bees have sticky hair?

Show Answer

Answer

Because they use honeycombs!

24. What do you call a cow with a twitch

Show Answer

Answer

Beef Jerky.

25. What do you call a dog that’s a magician?

Show Answer

Answer

A Labracadabrador.

26. Why is it hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

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Answer

Because they take everything literally.

27. Did you hear about the buffalo who married a cow?

Show Answer

Answer

They made a home on the range!

28. How does NASA put together a party?

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Answer

They planet!

29. Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?

Show Answer

Answer

Never mind… it’s Tearable.

15 Corny Dad Knock Knock jokes

You know who loves knock knock jokes like they’re going our of style?

Kids love knock knock jokes.

If you’re ever stuck with a youngster and out of entertainment ideas, whip out your best corny dad knock knock jokes and watch the time fly by.

Here are 15 corny dad knock knock jokes:

30. Knock, Knock!

Who’s there?

Cow says.

Cow says who?

Try this one out on any youngster. If they don’t break down with the giggles, take them to the doctor immediately.

Show Answer

Answer

No, a cow says moooo!

31. Knock, Knock!

Who’s there?

Mustache.

Mustache who?

If you have a mustache, you’re asking for it.

Show Answer

Answer

I mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later

32. Knock, Knock!

Who’s there?

Boo.

Boo who?

With knock knock jokes, the sillier the better.

Show Answer

Answer

No need to cry, it’s only a joke.

33. Knock, Knock!

Who’s there?

Abby.

Abby who?

Show Answer

Answer

Abby birthday to you!

34. Knock, Knock!

Who’s there?

Broken pencil.

Broken pencil who?

Show Answer

Answer

Nevermind it’s pointless!

35. Knock, Knock!

Who’s there?

Canoe.

Canoe who?

Show Answer

Answer

Canoe help me with my work?

36. Knock, Knock!

Who’s there?

Wooden shoe.

Wooden shoe, who?

Show Answer

Answer

Wooden shoe like to know!

37. Knock, Knock!

Who’s there?

Radio.

Radio who?

Show Answer

Answer

Radio not, here I come!

38. Knock, Knock!

Who’s there?

Dozen.

Dozen who?

Show Answer

Answer

Dozen all this knocking bother you already?

39. Knock, Knock!

Who’s there?

Mom and Dad.

Mom and Dad, who?

Show Answer

Answer

Exactly son, you are adopted.

40. Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Answer

To get to the village idiot’s residence.

41. Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Dad.

Dad who?

Show Answer

Answer

Dad fuel to the fire!

42. Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Tank.

Tank who?

Show Answer

Answer

You’re welcome!

43. Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Figs.

Figs who?

Show Answer

Answer

Figs the doorbell, it’s broken!

44. Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Abe Lincoln who?

Show Answer

Answer

Awww.. Come on! Don’t you know who Abe Lincoln is?

15 Corny Dad Christmas Jokes

What better time to serve up some laughs than the holidays.

With all the family gathering together, corny dad Christmas jokes are the perfect antidote to family quarrels. These are that are sure to lighten the mood and keep the party going.

Here are 15 corny dad Christmas jokes:

45. How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?

Cause if talking animals celebrating the holidays in Mexico isn’t funny, we don’t know what is.

Show Answer

Answer

Fleece navibaaaaaa!

46. What do you call an outlaw who steals gift wrapping from the rich to give to the poor?

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Answer

Ribbon Hood.

47. What Do You Sing At An Elf’s Birthday Party?

Keep the christmas stories alive with some funny elf jokes.

Show Answer

Answer

Freeze A Jolly Good Fellow!

48. How can you tell a family doesn’t celebrate Christmas?

Show Answer

Answer

The lights are on, but nobody’s a gnome.

49. What happens to elves when they behave naughty?

Naughty elves and Santa, this joke has is ready for christmas.

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Answer

Santa gives them the sack.

50. Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh?

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Answer

He wanted to see time fly!

51. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?

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Answer

They always drop their needles!

52. Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?

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Answer

Because he had a low “elf” esteem.

53. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?.

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Answer

A pineapple


The perfectly silly Christmas tree joke for tree decorating time.

54. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?

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Answer

Lost.

55. Why does Santa have three gardens?

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Answer

So he can ‘ho ho ho’!

56. What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

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Answer

“It’s Christmas Eve”

57. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?

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Answer

Horn-aments!

58. I got a universal remote for Christmas.

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Answer

This changes everything!

59. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Show Answer

Answer

Tinselitis!

14 Corny But Stupid Dad Jokes

In a world that’s over saturated with an endless vault of comedy specials, sometimes it’s down right refreshing to kick it old school with some bottom-of-the-barrel, corny but stupid dad jokes.

And because we’re 100% confident that the best jokes are really, really stupid jokes, we dug deep through the treasure trove of funny-bone ticklers for our favorites.

Here are 14 corny but stupid dad jokes:

60. What did the full glass say to the empty glass?

A great one for the bar crowd that’s sure to keep the mood light.

Show Answer

Answer

You look drunk.

61. Why did the woman go on the date with the mushroom?

The perfect joke or an epic ice breaker? You decide.

Show Answer

Answer

Because he was a fun-ghi.

62. What did the letter say to the stamp?

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Answer

“Stick with me and you’ll go places”

63. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with,

Who buys shoes from a drug dealer? Corny and stupid or genius and hilarious?

Show Answer

Answer

but I was tripping all day!

64. What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick?

Show Answer

Answer

Put it on my bill!

65. Today I gave my dead batteries away.

Show Answer

Answer

They were free of charge.

66. Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs?

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Answer

‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!

67. Q: Why did you buy a camouflage toilet seat?

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Answer

So my wife can’t yell at me when I miss!

68. What does the buffalo tell his son in the morning?

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Answer

Bye, son!

69. What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

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Answer

Tennish.

70. How does a train eat?

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Answer

It goes chew chew!

71. How is imitation like a plateau?

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Answer

They’re both the highest form of flattery.

72. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

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Answer

Anna one, Anna two!

73. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Show Answer

Answer

Frostbite.

11 Corny Dad Birthday Jokes

What better occasion for some silly humor than a birthday party?

Get ready to be the main entertainment at your next birthday get together with these ridiculous birthday jokes.

Here are 11 corny dad birthday jokes:

74. How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?

The right joke for a birthday boy or girl not in the celebratory mood.

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Answer

They relish the moment.

75. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

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Answer

Aye matey!

76. What does a clam do on his birthday?

Show Answer

Answer

He shellabrates!

77. What do you always get on your birthday?

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Answer

Another year older!

78. Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?

Warm up the crowd for cake time with this knee slapper.

Show Answer

Answer

It was icing on the cake.

79. What did one candle say to the other?

Show Answer

Answer

“Don’t birthdays burn you up?”

80. Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?

Show Answer

Answer

In a cat-alogue!

81. Did you hear about the dancer’s birthday?

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Answer

It was a tappy one!

82. I made you a delicious cake for your birthday, but I couldn’t light the candles.

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Answer

I guess the county requires a permit for bonfires.

83. I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

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Answer

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

84. Marriage is the alliance of two people,

A great birthday joke for the married folk.

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Answer

one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

11 Corny Dad Old People Jokes

He who laughs, lasts. –Mary Pettibone Poole

If getting old and rickety is an unwanted affliction, fantastic old people jokes are the magic youthful serum.

There is nothing better than these corny dad old people jokes to show just how gracefully you’re aging into your wisdom years.

Getting old is a fact of life. If you can’t beat it, might as well have fun with it.

Here are 11 corny dad old people jokes:

85. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.”

A go-to funny bone tickler for a couples night out.

Show Answer

Answer

So I packed up my stuff and right

86. “Everything’s starting to click for me!”

One might argue: the more new reasons you can find to laugh as you get older, the better your life will be.

Show Answer

Answer

“My knees, my elbows, my neck … ”

87. Two old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says “My butt fell asleep. The other says,

An old people butt joke? Now, that’s just dang funny.

Show Answer

Answer

“Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times.”

88. Age doesn’t make you forgetful. Having way too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful.

Show Answer

Answer

Having way too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful.

89. What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth?

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Answer

A full bus of old men.

90. Why do Retirees smile all the time?

Show Answer

Answer

Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!

91. Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night?

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Answer

It keeps them from rolling out of bed!

92. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

Show Answer

Answer

When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me …”

93. How many men does it take to make pop popcorn?

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Answer

Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.

94. Life is about changing perspectives and priorities:

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Answer

I used to worry if one of my hairs was out of place, now I don’t care if they both are.

95. When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think “What would my grandfather do?”

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Answer

Then I leave home in my underwear and shout at random strangers.

14 Corny Dad Dog Jokes

Did you know there’s a whole giant shoe box full of corny dad jokes just for dog lovers?

Next time your stuck in the vet’s waiting room, try out some of these very amusing dog jokes

Here are 14 corny dad dog jokes:

96. What do you call frozen dog?

A dog joke and food joke rolled into one? You can’t go wrong.

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Answer

A pupsicle.

97. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing.

It’s always good to have a good joke up your sleeve when you’re sittin’ around sippin’ with friends.

Show Answer

Answer

But it let out a little whine.

98. How do you make a sled dog fast?

Show Answer

Answer

Just don’t feed him!

99. What do dogs eat for brunch?

Show Answer

Answer

Woofles!

100. What do you call a sad Lassie dog?

Show Answer

Answer

Melon…collie!

101. Ask a dog what prison is like,

It’s a rufffffff life alright when you’re dishing out these rib busters.

Show Answer

Answer

and they’ll tell you it’s ruff!

102. There is a zoo where the only animal is a dog.

Show Answer

Answer

It’s a shitzu.

103. Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?

Show Answer

Answer

Because you can’t bury them in trees!

104. What do you call a black Eskimo dog?

Show Answer

Answer

A dusky husky!

105. What did the skeleton say to the puppy?

Show Answer

Answer

Bonappetite

106. What’s more amazing than a talking dog?

Show Answer

Answer

A spelling bee!

107. Why did the snowman call his dog Frost!

Show Answer

Answer

Because frost bites

108. Did you hear about the dog who gave birth to puppies on the side of the road

Show Answer

Answer

She was ticketed for littering.

109. How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?

Show Answer

Answer

Terrier-fied!

110. What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?

Show Answer

Answer

A golden receiver!

11 Corny Dad Walks Into A Bar Jokes

At the end of every dark and dingy bar counter, you can undoubtedly find at least one, or sometimes a pair, of bar regulars keeping a pair of bar stools warm, waiting patiently to strike up some giggles with unsuspecting bar patrons.

They are the keepers of a secret class of jokes known colloquially as the walks into a bar jokes.

But we got exclusive access to their walks into a bar jokes journal that’s been passed down for generations, and we’re about to share the very best of the best with you.

Here are 11 walks into a bar jokes:

111. Gold walked into a bar. The barman shouted,

Show Answer

Answer

“Eyh you, get out of here!”

112. A chameleon walks into a bar.

A clever twist on a classic bar joke that will never get old.

Show Answer

Answer

Bartender says. “If your wife calls, I didn’t see you.”

113. A ghost walks into a bar.

Show Answer

Answer

Bartender asks, “What’ll you have?” Ghost says, “I’m here for the BOOs!”

114. A blind man walks into a bar.

Warm up the bar crowd with this boozy giggler.

Show Answer

Answer

And a table. And a door. And a staircase.

115. An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says,

Show Answer

Answer

“So, do I come here often?”

116. A neutron walks into a bar. “How much for a beer?” the neutron asks.

Drinking with some smarty pants? We’ve got you covered with this one.

Show Answer

Answer

“For you?” says the bartender. “No charge.”

117. E-flat walks into a bar.

Show Answer

Answer

he bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”

118. A horse walks into a bar.

Show Answer

Answer

The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, “Hey!”

119. A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks, “Can I help you with your luggage?”

Show Answer

Answer

It replies, ” I don’t have any. I’m travelling light.”

120. A dung beetle walks into a bar,

Show Answer

Answer

and says is this stool taken?

121. So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says,

Show Answer

Answer

“Hey. This is a singles bar.”

12 Corny Dad Military Jokes

Military folks spend an inordinate amount of time together away from family and friends.

Good old fashioned military jokes are a tried and proven remedy to the unsavory conditions they often find themselves in.

Here are 12 corny dad military jokes:

122. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?

Show Answer

Answer

A Platoon

123. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base?

Anytime you can work a good food joke into your situation, you’re absolutely winning.

Show Answer

Answer

A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernels

124. How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy?

Show Answer

Answer

Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.

125. During the way my Granddad survived mustard gas and pepper spray.

Show Answer

Answer

He’s a seasoned veteran.

126. What happened when the soldier went into an enemy bar?

A great drinking joke when you’re out with the squad.

Show Answer

Answer

He got bombed.

127. What do you call an army of cows?

Show Answer

Answer

The milidairy

128. In the army if you lose your rifle, the government charges you $250

Show Answer

Answer

That’s why in the navy the captain always goes down with the ship

129. I’m trying to find out what the lowest rank in the army is.

A funny rank and file quip so silly it’ll turn your tummy.

Show Answer

Answer

But everyone keeps saying it’s private

130. What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

Show Answer

Answer

A flat major.

131. Which military unit has the most kids?

Show Answer

Answer

The infant-ry!

132. Where do belly buttons go to college?

Show Answer

Answer

The US Navel Academy!

133. How do you know when someone is a Marine?

Show Answer

Answer

They tell you.

15 Corny Dad Easter Jokes

Because this article just wouldn’t be complete without a good set of jokes for every occasion, we’ve got some super silly Easter jokes that are sure to make even the Easter bunny spit up its jelly beans.

We have easy to laugh at corny dad Easter jokes that are sure to make ya smile from bunny ear to bunny ear.

Here are 15 corny Easter dad jokes:

134. How does the Easter Bunny get around?

Once the easter candy runs out, keep the excitement going with this funny bunny joke.

Show Answer

Answer

By hare-plane!

135. Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?

The perfect pick me up joke for the family after a sleepy easter mass.

Show Answer

Answer

It might crack up!

136. What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?

Show Answer

Answer

Hot cross bunnies!

137. How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?

Show Answer

Answer

Hareobics.

138. Why did the Easter egg hide?

Why does the easter bunny hide chicken eggs? Hmmmmmmmm.

Show Answer

Answer

He was a little chicken

139. What day does an Easter egg hate the most?

Show Answer

Answer

Fry-days.

140. Why was the Easter Bunny so upset

Show Answer

Answer

He was having a bad hare day!

141. Why did a fellow rabbit say that the Easter Bunny was self-centered

Show Answer

Answer

Because he is eggocentric.

142. What do you call a line of rabbits jumping backwards

Show Answer

Answer

A receding hare line.

143. Therapist: What’s been up lately?

Show Answer

Answer

Chocolate bunny: I don’t know Doc, I just feel so hollow inside

144. What do you call a sleepy Easter egg?

Show Answer

Answer

Eggs-austed

145. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear

Show Answer

Answer

14 carrot gold.

146. What do you call an egg from outer space

Show Answer

Answer

An Egg-stra-terrestial!

147. How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew

Show Answer

Answer

When it has hares in it!

148. What Is The Easter Bunny’s Favorite State Capital

Show Answer

Answer

Albunny, New York

15 Corny Dad Coffee Jokes

What’s better than a hot cup of joe with a side of laughter?

The answer is absolutely nothing. That’s why we dug up these insanely funny corny dad coffee jokes.

Best shared over a cup of joe with a toasted muffin.

Here are 15 corny dad coffee jokes:

149. Why did espresso keep checking his watch

Show Answer

Answer

Because he was pressed for time.

150. What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee

Show Answer

Answer

Mugging

151. How does a coffee lover hit on a woman

An ideal joke when you’re sipping some morning joe with the guys.

Show Answer

Answer

I’ve been thinking about you a latte.

152. How did the hipster burn his tongue?

Don’t miss an easy chance to take a jab at the hipsters.

Show Answer

Answer

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

153. How does Moses make his coffee?

Show Answer

Answer

Hebrews it,\.

154. What’s the best Beatles song?</

Show Answer

Answer

Latte Be!

155. How are coffee beans like kids?

The perfect coffee joke for the parental units.

Show Answer

Answer

They’re always getting grounded!

156. Where do birds go for coffee

Show Answer

Answer

To the NESTcafe

157. Where do Russians buy their coffee from

Show Answer

Answer

Tsarbucks.

158. Why does Karl Marx drink coffee before going to lectures

Show Answer

Answer

To maintain class consciousness.

159. What’s a cow’s favorite coffee?

Show Answer

Answer

Decalf

160. I accidentally drank from a co-workers coffee cup

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Answer

It tasted horrible. It was not my cup of tea.

161. Why are Italians so good at making coffee?

Show Answer

Answer

Because they know how to espresso themselves.

162. I went to the doctor and told him every time I take a sip of coffee, I feel a stabbing pain in my face.

Show Answer

Answer

He said, “Take the spoon out next time.”

163. Why don’t snakes drink coffee

Show Answer

Answer

Because it makes them viperactive.

13 Corny Dad Lawyer Jokes

Lawyers make easy targets for the quick-witted, and these corny dad lawyer jokes don’t pull any punches.

Sure, you might need a good lawyer some day. But for now, let’s enjoy some easy laughs with these laugh-out-loud lawyer jokes.

Here are 13 corny dad lawyer jokes:

164. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

Got a lawyer in your circle of friends? Roast ’em good with this clever lawyer crack.

Show Answer

Answer

A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

165. What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle

The best lawyer jokes are the crass ones.

Show Answer

Answer

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

166. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a jellyfish?

Don’t worry. Lawyers have thick skin.

Show Answer

Answer

One is a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

167. What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer

Show Answer

Answer

A doberman pinscher.

168. Who invented copper wire?

Show Answer

Answer

Two tax attorneys fighting over a penny.

169. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three.

Show Answer

Answer

The rest are true stories

170. When attorneys die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground

Show Answer

Answer

A: Because deep down, they’re really nice guys.

171. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Show Answer

Answer

Their lips are moving.

172. How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?

Show Answer

Answer

How many can you afford?

173. How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture?

Show Answer

Answer

Just say “Fees!”

174. There are two kinds of lawyers,

Show Answer

Answer

those who know the law and those who know the judge.

175. What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?.

Show Answer

Answer

Lipstick

176. What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Show Answer

Answer

Accountants know they’re boring.

14 Corny Dad Office Jokes

Unless you work at a funny farm, the office workplace is usually one of those spots just desperate for a tickle of liveliness.

That’s where these most entertaining office jokes come in really handy.

Got a 2 hour meeting to survive? Come smartly prepared with these boisterous office jokes and watch the time fly by.

Here are 14 corny dad office jokes:

177. How is Christmas like your job?

Try out this fun office joke before your next boring meeting.

Show Answer

Answer

You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

178. Being an astronaut is funny.

Show Answer

Answer

It’s the only job where you get fired before you start work.

179. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?

Better yet, start a group text with your coworkers the next time your boss lays into one of his monologues.

Show Answer

Answer

They’re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

180. How can you tell when an engineer is an extrovert.

Show Answer

Answer

He stares at YOUR shoes while he talks to you.

181. Why are proctologists so gloomy?.

Show Answer

Answer

They always have the end in sight

182. Want to hear a joke about construction?

Because construction projects always take twice as long as you expect.

Show Answer

Answer

I’m still working on it.

183. What do you call a fat psychic?

Show Answer

Answer

A four-chin teller.

184. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

Show Answer

Answer

It was sole destroying.

185. What does a nosey pepper do?

Show Answer

Answer

It gets jalapeno business!

186. What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?

Show Answer

Answer

Floss Vegas.

187. What did the caretaker say when they jumped out of the store cupboard?

Show Answer

Answer

“Supplies!”

188. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?/h4>

Show Answer

Answer

The space bar

189. Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water

Show Answer

Answer

He had a very esteemed colleague.

190. My annual performance review says I lack “passion and intensity.”

Show Answer

Answer

I guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.

12 Corny Dad Church Jokes

Church can get a bit serious with all the do’s and don’t and ceremony. That’s why these corny dad church jokes are so terribly important.

If you think church can’t be fun, you haven’t heard these hilarious church jokes.

We have the most blasphemous corny dad church jokes that will make even the big man upstairs chuckle.

Here are 12 corny dad church jokes:

191. How can you make God laugh?

Show Answer

Answer

Tell him your plans.

192. If anyone needs an ark,

Kids not excited about going to church? Get ’em laughing with a little church humor first.

Show Answer

Answer

I happen to Noah guy.

193. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth

Show Answer

Answer

A mechanic.

194. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?

Show Answer

Answer

He was Ruthless

195. If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus is the lamb of God,

Who said waiting in line for communion has to be so dreadfully boring?

Show Answer

Answer

does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

196. What kind of car does Jesus drive

Show Answer

Answer

A Christler

197. Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?

Show Answer

Answer

They never let anyone finish a sentence!

198. Why didn’t Noah go fishing?

Show Answer

Answer

He only had two worms.

199. What do they call pastors in Germany?

Show Answer

Answer

German Shepherds

200. What kind of alcohol do you find in church

Show Answer

Answer

Holy spirits!

201. He who farts in church…

You can NEVER go wrong with a good fart joke.

Show Answer

Answer

Sits in his own pew.

202. Why can’t skeletons play music at a church

Show Answer

Answer

They have no organs.

13 Cheesy Corny Dad Jokes

If you’re looking for the best corny dad jokes, you’ll need these particularly cheesy corny dad jokes.

Cheesy corny dad jokes are a whole other level of dad jokes that only the coolest jokers can pull off.

Think you’re cool enough?

Here are 13 cheesy corny dad jokes:

203. What kind of computer can sing really well

Show Answer

Answer

A DELL!

204. I would tell a joke about pizza,

A truly cheesy dad joke for any crowd.

Show Answer

Answer

but its a little cheesy.

205. The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.

Save this laugh out loud Trump crack until you have everyone’s attention. It’s too good to waste.

Show Answer

Answer

Now they have to yell “Donald, duck!”

206. What is the least spoken language in the world

Show Answer

Answer

Sign language

207. What does a zombie vegetarian eat?

Because quite simply, making fun of vegetarians is fun.

Show Answer

Answer

“GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”

208. Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging.

Show Answer

Answer

They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

209. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

Show Answer

Answer

He couldn’t see himself doing it.

210. How does a penguin build its house?

Since penguins are already funny little creatures, this one is an easy hit.

Show Answer

Answer

Igloos it together!

211. I’m so good at sleeping,

Show Answer

Answer

I can do it with my eyes closed!

212. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip?

Show Answer

Answer

I was heels over head!

213. How do celebrities stay cool?

Show Answer

Answer

They have many fans.

214. What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?

Show Answer

Answer

A deviled egg.

215. What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Show Answer

Answer

Pick a cod, any cod.

13 Corny Dad Blonde Jokes

If you’re looking for some truly timeless jokes, blonde jokes are the perfect answer.

Corny dad blonde jokes just never get old, and you can keep coming back to them time and time again.

Here are 13 corny dad blonde jokes:

216. Why don’t blondes like making Kool-Aid?

Show Answer

Answer

Because they can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

217. Why did the blonde get excited after finishing her puzzle in 6 months?

An ageless dumb blonde joke that every brunette will love.

Show Answer

Answer

The box said 2-4 years.

218. Why do men like blonde jokes?

Show Answer

Answer

Because they can understand them.

219. Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?

With blonde jokes, the recipe is simple: the dumber, the better.

Show Answer

Answer

Because it said “concentrate.”

220. Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?

Show Answer

Answer

Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!!

221. Why are blonde jokes so short?

A clever redirect from the blonde to the brunette that ensures an even burn.

Show Answer

Answer

So brunettes can remember them.

222. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

Show Answer

Answer

I wonder if it’s mine.

223. Why can’t blondes make ice cubes?

Show Answer

Answer

They always forget the recipe.

224. Why did the blonde put water on her computer?

Show Answer

Answer

To wash the Windows.

225. A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, “Where did you get her?”

Show Answer

Answer

The pig answers, “I won her at the fair.”

226. How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?

Show Answer

Answer

Hand her a bottle of shampoo that says “lather, rinse, repeat.”

227. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?

Show Answer

Answer

Someone told her drinks were on the house.

228. Why do blondes make awful bank robbers?

Show Answer

Answer

Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

15 Witty But Corny Dad Jokes

The best corny dad jokes are the ones that make you stop for a second and think.

The great thing about witty jokes is that they might go over some folks’ heads.

But for the ones paying attention to your clever quips, these witty but corny dad jokes are priceless.

Here are 15 witty but corny dad jokes:

229. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

Impress your friends with this subtle misuse of a common homonym.

Show Answer

Answer

He felt his presents!

230. Why did the blind man fall down the well?

Show Answer

Answer

Because he couldn’t see that well…

231. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines…

It’s clever and appeals to both dog and cat lovers alike.

Show Answer

Answer

But catscan!

232. What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?

Show Answer

Answer

Well, the flag is a big plus.

233. I’ve just been diagnosed as color blind

Show Answer

Answer

I know, its just come out of the purple.

234. What did the hammer say to his homeboys?

Show Answer

Answer

Nailed it.

235. I’ve always admired fishermen.

Show Answer

Answer

Now those are reel men.

236. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Show Answer

Answer

Nacho Cheese.

237. How much does a hipster weigh?

Hipsters and their IG’s make such easy targets for a quick laugh.

Show Answer

Answer

An Instagram.

238. How did one mitten feel about the other mitten?

Show Answer

Answer

He was in glove with her.

239. I couldn’t get a reservation at the library..

Show Answer

Answer

They were fully booked.

240. Did you watch the new comic book movie?

Show Answer

Answer

It was pretty graphic.

241. What did the traffic light say to the crosswalk?

Show Answer

Answer

Don’t look now, I’m changing!

242. Why did the big cat get disqualified from the race?

Show Answer

Answer

Because he was a cheetah.

243. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road

Show Answer

Answer

To go with the traffic jam.

15 Funniest Corny Dad Jokes Ever

If you’re going the corny dad joke route, might as well entertain with the funniest corny dad jokes ever.

The funniest jokes ever is bold claim, so see for yourself. Or better yet, let the audience decide. Try a few jokes out on some unsuspecting friends.

Here are 15 funniest corny dad jokes ever:

244. What did the Buddhist monk say to the hotdog vendor?

A joke that can bring together Buddhism and hot dogs is truly a world class joke.

Show Answer

Answer

Make me one with everything!

245. What do you call a pig that does Karate?

We already know how funny pandas doing kung fu can be. Why not a karate pig joke?

Show Answer

Answer

Pork chop!

246. What does a painter do when he gets cold?

A perfect joke to break the silence during a painting project with friends or family.

Show Answer

Answer

He puts on another coat.

247. An invisible man married an invisible women.

Show Answer

Answer

The kids were nothing to look at.

248. If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

Show Answer

Answer

Big hands.

249. My wife got a job at the zoo.

Show Answer

Answer

She’s a keeper!

250. I drank some food coloring and,

Show Answer

Answer

dyed a little bit inside.

251. If a cow doesn’t produce milk is it a milk dud?

Show Answer

Answer

Or an udder failure?

252. What state has the smallest drinks?

Show Answer

Answer

Mini-soda!

253. What does a dinosaur use to pay the bills?

Show Answer

Answer

Tyrannosaurus cheques!

254. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

Show Answer

Answer

Ones very heavy and ones a little lighter!

255. Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper?

Show Answer

Answer

He wanted to live in the present.

256. What did the full glass say to the empty glass?

Show Answer

Answer

You look drunk.

257. What did one ocean say to the other?

Show Answer

Answer

Nothing, they just waved.

258. I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them

Show Answer

Answer

I can also tell if they are standing.

15 Corny Pirate Dad Jokes

What’s not to love about corny pirate dad jokes?

There’s nothing like some good pirate jokes conjured up by rum-loving, treasure-obsessed, seafaring folk to make you feel alive.

So crack a barrel of rum and test out these delicious pirate jokes.

We have the haaaaaarrrrrdiest corny pirate dad jokes in the sea.

Here are 15 corny pirate dad jokes:

259. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?

Show Answer

Answer

He bought it on sail.

260. What does a dyslexic pirate say?

Show Answer

Answer

RRRRRRA!

261. How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

Pirates are such an ignominious bunch, they’re basically asking for it.

Show Answer

Answer

A buccaneer.

262. What did one pirate say to the other?

Show Answer

Answer

“I sea you!”

263. Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards?

Show Answer

Answer

Because the captain was standing on the deck!

264. Where do pirates buy their hooks?

A great one to save for the docks.

Show Answer

Answer

At a second hand store.

265. Why did the pirate go out of business?

Show Answer

Answer

He didn’t know how to raise his sales

266. What do you call a pirate without an eye-patch?

Show Answer

Answer

Eye Eye Captain

267. What is the latest in Pirate technology?

Show Answer

Answer

The I-patch

268. How do pirates prefer to communicate?

Show Answer

Answer

Aye to aye!

269. What is a pirate’s favorite movie? (But it is arr-rated.)

Show Answer

Answer

Booty and the Beast.

270. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?

Try out this knee slapper the next time you’re out at sea with friends.

Show Answer

Answer

An arm and a leg.

271. Why Is Pirating Addictive?

Show Answer

Answer

They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!

272. Why Did The Pirate Have Red Eyes?

Show Answer

Answer

Because he had too much sea-weed!

273. What’s A Pirate’s Favorite Kind Of Fish?

Show Answer

Answer

A GOLDfish

13 Corny What Do You Call Dad Jokes

Remember the dad with the inexhaustible lot of what do you call jokes?

Incredibly ridiculous, sometimes borderline racist or sexist, and always hilarious, corny what do you call dad jokes are perfect when you’re just hanging around with the guys.

Here are 13 corny what do you call dad jokes:

274. What do you call two guys from Mexico playing basketball?

Show Answer

Answer

Juan on Juan.

275. What do you call a worm with no teeth?

Show Answer

Answer

A gummy worm

276. What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips?

Chipmunks are cute, but monkeys eating potato chips are hilarious.

Show Answer

Answer

A chipmonk

277. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?

Any chance to slip in a little fart joke is a guaranteed win.

Show Answer

Answer

A private tutor.

278. What do you call two fat people having a chat?

Show Answer

Answer

A heavy discussion.

279. What do you call a skunk who flies a helicopter?

Show Answer

Answer

A smelly-copter

280. What do you call lending money to a bison?

Show Answer

Answer

A buffa-loan

281. What do you call a group of unorganized cats?

Show Answer

Answer

A cat-astrophe.

282. What do you call the Children of the Corn’s father?

Show Answer

Answer

“POP” Corn.

283. What do you call bees that produce milk?

Show Answer

Answer

Boo-bees.

284. What do you call a fake noodle?

Show Answer

Answer

An im-pasta.

285. What do you call a rich elf?

Show Answer

Answer

Welfy

286. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

Whip this one out on your next road trip and watch the energy drink burst out of your buddy’s nose.

Show Answer

Answer

A stick.

13 Corny New Years Dad Jokes

Never get stuck at a new years party with an awkward moment of silence that you can’t fill.

These new years jokes will keep the laughter and conversation rolling on until the ball drops.

Here are 13 corny new years dad jokes:

287. My new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic,

Resolutions are way too serious. We prefer full glasses and broken promises.

Show Answer

Answer

by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

288. What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve?

Show Answer

Answer

I haven’t seen you for a year!

289. What do cows celebrate on December 31st?

Show Answer

Answer

Moo Years Eve.

290. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year,

Show Answer

Answer

but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

291. It’s officially New Year’s Eve,

Show Answer

Answer

you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.

292. What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?

Show Answer

Answer

Social Security.

293. What kind of toilet do French people use on January 1st?

Show Answer

Answer

A New Year’s Bidet.

294. What’s the forecast for New Years Eve?

A fairly accurate joke that undoubtedly applies to a wide audience.

Show Answer

Answer

Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

295. What is corn’s favorite holiday?

Show Answer

Answer

New Ears Day.

296. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in.

Show Answer

Answer

A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

297. What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year?

Drinking jokes and New Year’s go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Show Answer

Answer

He gave up thinking.

298. An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year’s Eve.

Show Answer

Answer

One was charged and the other was let off.

299. I took New Year resolution that i will only tell furniture jokes and,

Show Answer

Answer

sofa so good.

13 Corny Nerd Dad Jokes

Sometimes, it’s not just the occasion you need to be prepared for but the crowd.

Next time you’re hanging around some nerdy types, don’t skip a beat with these super fun nerd jokes.

We got the smartest, mind-thumping corny nerd dad jokes that some folks just won’t understand.

Here are 13 corny nerd dad jokes:

300. An infectious disease enters a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” It replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”

Show Answer

Answer

301. How do you know the moon is going broke?

Show Answer

Answer

It’s down to its last quarter.

302. Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting.

An excellent grammar joke for the teacher lounge.

Show Answer

Answer

“Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t! She was having contractions.

303. What did E.T.’s mother say to him when he got home?

Show Answer

Answer

Where on Earth have you been!

304. Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

A smart joke for some nerdy folks that every evolutionist will adore.

Show Answer

Answer

Classical conditioning

305. What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?

Show Answer

Answer

A beer.

306. Why Can’t You Trust Atoms?

Show Answer

Answer

They make up everything.

307. I Have a New Theory on Inertia.

Show Answer

Answer

But it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.

308. Argon walks into a bar.

Show Answer

Answer

The bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gasses here!” Argon doesn’t react.

309. What does a subatomic duck say?

Ducks who quark instead of quack in a subatomic realm only the nerdiest physicists could appreciate.

Show Answer

Answer

Quark.

310. Why should you never date an apostrophe

Show Answer

Answer

They’re too possessive

311. Which dinosaur knows the most words

Show Answer

Answer

A Thesaurus

312. Where Does Bad Light End Up?

Show Answer

Answer

In prism.

12 Corny Thanksgiving Dad Jokes

The annual turkey fest has the uncanny potential of turning south with far too serious adult talk.

Keep the conversation light and fun with these killer thanksgiving jokes.

Here are 12 corny Thanksgiving dad jokes:

313. What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?

Show Answer

Answer

You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.

314. Why did the turkey play the drums in his band?

A good way to break the hum of yummy noises at the table before you sneak in for seconds.

Show Answer

Answer

Because he already had drum sticks!

315. Why didn’t the Pilgrims want to make the bread?

Show Answer

Answer

It’s a crummy job.

316. When do you serve tofu turkey?

Show Answer

Answer

Pranksgiving.

317. Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble?”

Show Answer

Answer

Because they never learned good table manners!

318. If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one?

Show Answer

Answer

Goblet.

319. What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?

Show Answer

Answer

Peach gobbler!

320. Why did the cranberries turn red?

Give this racy cranberry joke a try the next time your boring aunt starts telling another dreadful story.

Show Answer

Answer

Because they saw the turkey dressing!

321. What did the turkey say to the computer?

Show Answer

Answer

“Google, google, google.”

322. Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?

Show Answer

Answer

It had 24 carrots.

323. Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down?

Show Answer

Answer

Because their belt buckles are on their hats!

324. What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?

Turkey AND gravy? Well, this joke just has it all.

Show Answer

Answer

If your papa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

11 Corny Shark Dad Jokes

Hang out at a beach long enough, and the conversation inevitably turns to the scary “men in the gray suits” that must be lurking beneath the ocean’s surface.

Don’t let shark fear mongering ruin your fun in the sun and keep you beached. Instead, use these painfully silly shark jokes to relieve the anxiety and get everyone swimming.

Here are 11 corny shark dad jokes:

325. I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”

Show Answer

Answer

I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.

326. I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.

Show Answer

Answer

When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.

327. What’s a shark’s favorite hobby?

Show Answer

Answer

Anything he can sink his teeth into.

328. What happens when you cross a great white shark with a cow fish?…

As long as there are some cervezas involved, we’re pretty sure this joke will land.

Show Answer

Answer

I don’t know…but I wouldn’t want to milk it!

329. What kind of vitamins do sharks eat?

Show Answer

Answer

Vitamin sea.

330. Which country do sharks come from?.

Makes sense. Oh wait, are these still jokes?

Show Answer

Answer

Finland

331. What does a shark eat with peanut butter

Sharks eating pb & jellyfish? That’s super funny and quite possibly true.

Show Answer

Answer

Jellyfish!

332. What sort of fish operates on poorly sharks

Show Answer

Answer

A sturgeon.

333. I saw a singing shark once,

Show Answer

Answer

in the Choral Reef.

334. Why don’t sharks like fast food?

But ya know what’s not hard to get? This crazy silly joke.

Show Answer

Answer

It’s hard to catch.

335. What’s yellow and dangerous

Show Answer

Answer

Shark Infested Custard.

Downloadable list of Corny Dad Jokes

Here is a downloadable and printable list of corny dad jokes (right click the image and select Save Image As…) :

More Awesome Jokes To Tell

Here are a few more awesome jokes to tell that you shouldn’t miss out on.

  1. Math jokes are a no-brainer; the square of the hypotenuse just sounds funny.
  2. Political jokes are a modern necessity because there’s not much left to do but laugh when it comes to politics.
  3. Science jokes are for you if you like to giggle about photons and chromosomes.
  4. No joke arsenal is complete without an ample quiver of the best one liner jokes.
  5. Computers can drive us nuts, so computer jokes are critical for surviving this frustrating digital age.

How to use corny dad jokes

There are so many different corny dad jokes for every occasion. Knowing how to use corny dad jokes is equally as important as knowing the dad jokes themselves.

With a little guidance, corny dad jokes can be the perfect entertainment when you need it the most.

Here is how to use corny dad jokes:

1. Know Your Audience

Take a second to know your audience, so you can avoid the sensitive topics and hone in on the gut-wrenching ones.

Stuck waiting at a courthouse? Probably not the best time to lay down some corny dad lawyer jokes.

2. Timing is Everything

Wait for that special opportune moment to dish out a good knee-slapper.

The best time for a corny dad joke is when you feel the mood getting ready to turn in the wrong direction or to break an awkward silence.

3. Delivery the Goods and Leave It

Folks are either gonna love your corny dad jokes, or they’re not. Maybe you’ll only raise a little smirk or nothing at all.

Whether they love it or hate or land somewhere in between, the best corny dad joke is delivered with indifference and total confidence.

4. Keep Going

What makes corny dad jokes so useful is that they’re meant to be stringed together.

Whatever reaction you receive at first, keep going with the corny dad jokes.

Eventually, even the toughest nut will crack and glean a grin.

In Conclusion

Everybody’s got jokes, but only a select group of special pundits are capable of wielding the giggle power of really corny dad jokes.

And even though dad jokes have been cultivated by dad’s over centuries, their fantastically corny jokes are for everyone and not just dads.

So the next time you find an opportunity to entertain, whether it’s your co-workers, your peers, or some little ones, break out some of these killer dad jokes and watch the smiles abound.

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