305 Best Bad Dad Jokes – A list so bad they’re good!
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via: Pexels / Tatiana Syrikova
When you really think about it, there’s not much difference between bad dad jokes and corny jokes.
Really, if the jokes are bad enough, you know a dad would be happy to share them.
But just because dad jokes are “bad,” doesn’t mean they aren’t also really, really good. Bad dad jokes make people groan and role their eyes, sure, but they also make people burst out laughing.
Whether you’re a new dad getting into his comedic groove, an old hand at the dad stuff looking to sharpen up his cheesy punchlines, or just a guy looking to indulge in comedy’s worst—and best—kind of humor, we’ve got all the best bad dad jokes for you, right here.
Contents
15 Best bad dad Jokes
via: Unsplash / NeONBRAND
When you are on the lookout for the biggest, baddest, worst dad jokes on the planet, you have to start with the best. These are pure, unadulterated bad dad jokes, designed in a lab a mile under the earth and rigorously tested to radiate everyone with wonderful, awful humor.
Here are the 15 best bad dad jokes:
1. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
Show Answer
Answer
It’s impossible to put down!
2. What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Show Answer
Answer
Nobody knows.
3. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
Show Answer
Answer
I’ll let you know
4. What is the least spoken language in the world?
They’re laughing, really, just…silently.
Show Answer
Answer
Sign Language
via: Pexels / fotografierende
5. A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.
A truly arrrrgh-ful joke.
Show Answer
Answer
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
6. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
Show Answer
Answer
He acquired his size from too much pi.
7. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Show Answer
Answer
Great food, no atmosphere.
8. How many apples grow on a tree?
Show Answer
Answer
All of them.
9. How does a penguin build its house?
A joke sure to get a chilly reception.
Show Answer
Answer
Igloos it together
10. Dad, did you get a haircut? No,
Show Answer
Answer
I got them all cut.
11. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A joke that really Fall’s flat in the autumn.
Show Answer
Answer
Because he was outstanding in his field.
via: Pexels / Egor Kunovsky
12. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
At least they have a nose…
Show Answer
Answer
Because they have no body to go with.
13. Want to hear a joke about construction?
Show Answer
Answer
I’m still working on it.
14. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
Show Answer
Answer
He let out a little wine.
15. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.
Show Answer
Answer
It’s a total rip-off.
17 bad corny dad jokes
via: Unsplash / Danielle MacInnes
People love corny jokes. If they didn’t love them, would they really spend so much time around you? So, get to work plowing through these bad but corny dad jokes and see what reactions pop up!
Here are 17 bad corny dad jokes:
16. What do you call a mac ‘n’ cheese that gets all up in your face?
Show Answer
Answer
Too close for comfort food!
17. What concert costs just 45 cents?
No wonder. Who’s buying the tickets at that exorbitant price?
Show Answer
Answer
50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
18. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Show Answer
Answer
Because he was outstanding in his field!
19. What do sprinters eat before a race?
Show Answer
Answer
Nothing, they fast!
20. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
Another joke sure to fall flat…in just the right way.
Show Answer
Answer
It was two tired!
via: Unsplash / Serkan Turk
21. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
This one is sure to suck the oxygen out of the room.
Show Answer
Answer
Great food, no atmosphere!
22. What do you call a fish with two knees?
Show Answer
Answer
A two-knee fish!
23. Why do melons have weddings?
Show Answer
Answer
Because they cantaloupe!
24. What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
Show Answer
Answer
European.
25. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
This joke really takes you for a ride.
Show Answer
Answer
Attire!
via: Pexels / Denniz Futalan
26. Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?
Show Answer
Answer
Never mind… it’s tearable.
27. I just watched a documentary about beavers.
A naturally, un-beaver-ably funny joke.
Show Answer
Answer
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
29. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Show Answer
Answer
The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.”
30. What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
Security question: “what is like a box of chocolates?”
Show Answer
Answer
1forrest1
via: Pexels / Lukas
31. CASHIER: “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?”
Show Answer
Answer
DAD: “No, just leave it in the carton!’”
32. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
Aw, that’s sweet.
Show Answer
Answer
They say he made a mint.
33. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
Show Answer
Answer
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
10 bad knock knock dad jokes
via: Unsplash / Tim Mossholder
Knock knock. “Who’s there?” “Groan.” “Groan who?” “You’re groan to love these terribly bad dad knock knock jokes.”
Here are 10 bad knock knock dad jokes:
34. Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Estelle.
Estelle who?
Show Answer
Answer
Estelle waiting for you to open this door!
35. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Control Freak.
Con—
Show Answer
Answer
Okay, now you say, “Control Freak who?!”
36. Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Doughnut
Doughnut who?
Show Answer
Answer
Doughnut be afraid. It’s just me.
37. Knock knock. Who’s there? Egg. Egg who?
You can’t beat this joke.
Show Answer
Answer
Eggstremely disappointed you still don’t recognize me.
38. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Dee Wilson.
Dee Wilson who?
Show Answer
Answer
They’ll hate you even more for getting that song stuck in their heads.
39. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Surgeon.
Surgeon who?
Show Answer
Answer
That’ll really cut them up.
40. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
The Grammar Police.
Show Answer
Answer
*ahem* Technically, “who” is more correct here…
via: Unsplash / Helloquence
41. Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Bee Hive.
Bee Hive who?
They’ll be buzzing about this one for weeks.
Show Answer
Answer
Bee Hive yourself!
42. Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Cattle Drive.
Cattle Drive Who?
Show Answer
Answer
My Cattle Drive your dog crazy!
43. Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
The Ghost.
The Ghost who?
Show Answer
Answer
The Ghost is clear; you can come out!
44. Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Barbara.
Barbara who?
Show Answer
Answer
They’ll wooly love this one.
via: Pexels / Sabina
15 bad Christmas dad jokes
via: Unsplash / Jonathan Borba
Christmas has plenty of down time after the presents are open and before anyone’s ready for dinner. How do you fill that time? This year, fill it with terribly bad dad Christmas jokes that will make everyone wish they’d stayed in their room for the holidays!
Here are 15 bad Christmas dad jokes:
45. What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?
Show Answer
Answer
Hits a gnome and runs.
46. Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
That’s cold, Frosty.
Show Answer
Answer
His wife was a total flake.
47. What do you get when you cross a duck with Santa?
Show Answer
Answer
A Christmas quacker.
48. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
Show Answer
Answer
They’re into all the wrapping.
49. How do you help someone who’s lost their Christmas spirit?.
Show Answer
Answer
Nurse them back to elf
50. What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
Bet your audience wishes they got ear muffs for Christmas.
Show Answer
Answer
Anything you want. He can’t hear you!
via: Pexels / Suzy Hazelwood
51. What nationality is Santa Claus?
Show Answer
Answer
North Polish.
52. What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
This one will really melt their hearts.
Show Answer
Answer
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
53. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
Show Answer
Answer
The elf-abet!
54. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
Let’s just hope he doesn’t crash Kringle.
Show Answer
Answer
A Holly Davidson!
55. What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
Show Answer
Answer
Santa walking backwards!
56. How does a sheep say Merry Christmas?
Show Answer
Answer
Fleece Navidad!
58. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A joke for those cereal bad dad joke offenders.
Show Answer
Answer
Frosted Flakes!
59. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
Show Answer
Answer
It needed to be trimmed!
60. What kind of photos do elves take?
Show Answer
Answer
Elfies!
14 stupid bad dad jokes
via: Unsplash / Kay
If you are committed to telling bad dad jokes, you have to be willing to look stupid. All the humor comes from that. So, embrace the stupidity and share it with everyone with these stupid jokes!
Here are 14 stupid bad dad jokes:
61. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
This joke’s got them all beat.
Show Answer
Answer
Anna one, Anna two!
62. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
Show Answer
Answer
He felt his presents!
63. Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color?
There’s a pill for that now.
Show Answer
Answer
He had a reptile dysfunction.
64. Want to hear a joke about construction?
Show Answer
Answer
I’m still working on it.
65. What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
Show Answer
Answer
1forrest1
66. What sound does a witches car make?
Show Answer
Answer
Broom Broom
67. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
Surely you Excel in your detective skills.
Show Answer
Answer
You have my Word!
68. What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
Only if they’re organic.
Show Answer
Answer
“GRRRAAAIINS!”
69. How do celebrities stay cool?
Show Answer
Answer
They have many fans.
70. What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Show Answer
Answer
Christian Bale.
71. Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
This one really stitches them up.
Show Answer
Answer
He’s fully recovered.
72. Why did the coach go to the bank?
Show Answer
Answer
To get his quarter back.
73. What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?
Show Answer
Answer
A deviled egg.
74. Which is faster, hot or cold?
Show Answer
Answer
That jokes nothing to sneeze at.
Show Answer
Answer
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
17 bad dad birthday jokes
via: Pexels / Lee Hnetinka
Dads love birthdays, not for the celebrations but because birthdays come with bad dad birthday jokes. Don’t let your family down! Make sure you’ve got the worst dad jokes on hand to ruin everyone’s birthday this year!
Here are 17 bad dad birthday jokes:
75. I always feel warm on my birthday because…
…They may stop now.
Show Answer
Answer
people don’t stop toasting me.
76. Where do you get a birthday present for your cat?
Show Answer
Answer
From a cat-alogue.
77. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Show Answer
Answer
Aye, matey!
78. How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?
Show Answer
Answer
They relish the moment.
79. What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
You know where they serve deviled eggs.
Show Answer
Answer
Angel food cake.
via: Pexels / Pixabay
80. I like birthdays…
Show Answer
Answer
but I think too many can kill you.
81. What did the bald guy say when he was given a comb for his birthday?
You can’t just brush this one off.
Show Answer
Answer
Thanks, I’ll never part with it.
82. What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Show Answer
Answer
Mice cream and cake.
83. Doctor, doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.
That’s a real hot take.
Show Answer
Answer
Try taking the candles off.
84. Why do candles always go on the top of cakes?
Show Answer
Answer
Because it’s hard to light them from the bottom.
85. Why did the girl put her cake in the freezer?
Show Answer
Answer
She wanted to ice it.
86. Why did the cupcake go to the doctor’s office?
It must have been falling apart.
Show Answer
Answer
It was feeling crumby.
87. Does a green candle burn longer than a pink one?
Show Answer
Answer
No, they both burn shorter.
8 bad dad old people jokes
via: Pexels / Jan Kroon
There’s no better source of humor than getting old, and now that you’re telling bad dad jokes, you can get away with these old people jokes that you couldn’t before. Because, you know, you’re old now. Sorry.
Here are 8 bad dad old people jokes:
88. An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have.
Well, that’ll make for a nice change.
Show Answer
Answer
The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
89. I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work…
Spoken like a true old coot.
Show Answer
Answer
I want to achieve it through not dying.
90. I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper.
Wise…and unsettling all at once!
Show Answer
Answer
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
91. He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg,
Show Answer
Answer
they ask for the money up front.
92. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age…
Show Answer
Answer
as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
via: Unsplash / Product School
93. Where should old people look for glasses?
Show Answer
Answer
On their forehead.
94. I’m youthful on a basic level.
Show Answer
Answer
Somewhat more seasoned in different spots.
95. When I was a boy,
Show Answer
Answer
the Dead Sea was only sick.
14 bad dad dog jokes
via: Pexels / Heitor Verdi
Because dogs are man’s best friend, they are also the butt of many of our jokes. I’m sure your dogs won’t mind these bad dad dog jokes, but just in case…make sure you tell them out of their hearing.
Here are 14 bad dad dog jokes:
96. What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble?
Show Answer
Answer
That hit the spot!
97. What did the dog say to the tree?
Show Answer
Answer
Bark.
98. What do you call a dog with a surround system?
Show Answer
Answer
A sub-woofer.
That’s a real howler.
99. What did the dog say to the sandpaper?
Show Answer
Answer
A sub-woofer. Ruff!
100. Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings?
Show Answer
Answer
It’s hardly ever for them.
101. What’s more amazing than a talking dog?
Show Answer
Answer
A spelling bee.
102. How do you stop a dog from barking in your front yard?
All dog owners know the truth behind this one!
Show Answer
Answer
Put him in your backyard!
via: Unsplash / Richard Brutyo
103. What kind of dog keeps the best time?
Show Answer
Answer
A watchdog.
104. What kind of dog chases anything red?
Show Answer
Answer
A bull dog.
105. What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer?
Show Answer
Answer
A lot of bites.
106. What kind of dog eats with his ears?
A true master of observation came up with this one.
Show Answer
Answer
They all do. I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before tucking in.
107. What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?
Show Answer
Answer
Anything you like, just very quietly.
108. What do you get when you cross a Doberman and a hyena?
Show Answer
Answer
No idea, but if it laughs, I join in.
109. What do you mean, my dog was chasing a guy on a bike?
Show Answer
Answer
My dog doesn’t ride a bike!
9 bad walks into a bar dad jokes
via: Pexels / ELEVATE
We’ve all heard some x walks into a bar jokes in our time, and we all know, categorically, that those jokes are terrible. And that makes them perfect fodder for bad dad jokes.
Here are 9 bad walks into a bar dad jokes:
110. So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says,
Well, that jokes makes for a nice change.
Show Answer
Answer
“Hey. This is a singles bar.”
111. A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”
Show Answer
Answer
A time traveler walks in a bar…
112. E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says,
This joke can seem a little discordant.
Show Answer
Answer
“Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
113. Two dragons walk into a bar. One says to the other, “It’s hot in here.” The other snaps back,
Show Answer
Answer
“Shut your mouth!”
via: Unsplash / Mateus Campos Felipe
114. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk not a bar.
Show Answer
Answer
No joke.
115. A cornstalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Want to hear a joke?” The corn stalk replies,
Now, that’s a corny joke!
Show Answer
Answer
“I’m all ears!”
116. A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm.
Show Answer
Answer
He asks for one beer, and one for the road.
117. Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out!” shouts the barman.
Show Answer
Answer
“We don’t serve your type here!”
118. What did the Bartender say when two jumper cables walk into a bar.
You might spark some conversation with this one.
Show Answer
Answer
You guys better not start anything in here.
8 bad military dad jokes
via: Unsplash / Fabien Maurin
Since the beginning of time, military jokes have been popular. After all, so long as the world has need militaries, the world has been finding humor in them. Whether you’re a Major Dad or just love a good army joke, march a few of these bad dad military jokes out with some friends.
Here are 8 bad military dad jokes:
119. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?
Show Answer
Answer
A Platoon
120. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray?
Awful…and yet, a pretty tasty punchline.
Show Answer
Answer
A Seasoned Veteran.
121. How does the Air Force Play Bingo?
Show Answer
Answer
B-52 F-16 A-10.
122. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base?
Tell this when your military buddies are getting salty.
Show Answer
Answer
A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two kernels
123. What do you call a young army?
Show Answer
Answer
Infantry.
via: Unsplash / Filip Mroz
124. I used to be an artist in the army
Show Answer
Answer
but I kept drawing enemy fire.
125. When I was in the army, I got my arms shot off.
Show Answer
Answer
But I shouldered on anyway.
126. Did you hear about the idiotic karate champion who joined the army?
He gave himself a “hi-ya” five.
Show Answer
Answer
The first time he saluted, he knocked himself out.
13 bad Easter dad jokes
via: Pexels / Anastasia Shuraeva
For some, Easter is a holy day. For others, it’s an excuse to hunt eggs and eat chocolate. For you, it’s a chance to try out your new comedy routine. Make sure you are never short of material by hunting down the best Easter jokes we’ve got here.
Here are 13 bad Easter dad jokes:
127. How do you know the Easter Bunny is really smart?
He’s also a bit cracked, like this joke.
Show Answer
Answer
Because he’s an egghead.
128. Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs?
Show Answer
Answer
From Eggplants.
129. What happened to the Easter Bunny when he misbehaved at school?
Now he’ll never get into collegg!
Show Answer
Answer
He was eggspelled!
130. Why do we paint Easter eggs?
Show Answer
Answer
Because it’s easier than trying to wallpaper them!
131. Why did the Easter egg hide?
Show Answer
Answer
He was a little chicken!
132. What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
Show Answer
Answer
A hot cross bunny
133. What do you call Easter when you are hopping around?
You can skip this one.
Show Answer
Answer
Hoppy Easter!
via: Unsplash / Sweet Amaryllis
134. What do you call the Easter Bunny after a hard day’s work?
Show Answer
Answer
Tired.
135. How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
Show Answer
Answer
With a hare dryer!
136. What do you call a sleepy Easter egg?
He won’t awake until he sees the sunny side up again.
Show Answer
Answer
Eggs-austed.
137. Why are bunnies the luckiest animals?
Show Answer
Answer
Because they each have four rabbits’ feet!
138. What do you call an Easter egg from outer space?
Show Answer
Answer
Egg-stra terrestrial.
139. How does the Easter Bunny travel?
Is that a rabbit enough form of travel for him?
Show Answer
Answer
By hare-plane.
10 bad coffee dad jokes
via: Pexels / Quang Nguyen Vinh
You know how grumpy you feel when you need coffee? What if, instead of getting a great cup of joe, you got a bunch of terrible coffee jokes instead? Sure, that’s infuriating, but it’s also super fun…at least for the joke teller.
Here are 10 bad coffee dad jokes:
140. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
Try this one while in line for your third espresso.
Show Answer
Answer
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
141. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
Show Answer
Answer
I asked for coffee.
142. Why did the coffee file a police report?
Show Answer
Answer
Because it was mugged.
143. How does a coffee lover hit on a woman?
A great way to espresso your feelings.
Show Answer
Answer
I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
144. What do you call a sad cup of coffee
Show Answer
Answer
Depresso.
145. How does Moses make his coffee?
Jewish you had a cup now?
Show Answer
Answer
Hebrews it.
via: Pexels / Pixabay
146. What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Apparently, neither one was black.
Show Answer
Answer
Cream and Sugar.
147. What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Show Answer
Answer
Java the Hut!
148. How do you make Pig Jerky?
Show Answer
Answer
Give them some coffee.
149. What’s the opposite of coffee?
Coffee was definitely the perkiest of the seven dwarves.
Show Answer
Answer
Sneezy.
150. Honey, this coffee tastes like garbage. That’s not surprising,
Show Answer
Answer
it’s from the garbage.
9 bad dad lawyer jokes
via: Pexels / Kaboompics .com
Some careers are obvious targets for dad jokes, and perhaps the easiest one is lawyers. Law is an almost universally despised profession, which makes it easy for dads to get away with some great lawyer jokes. I mean, what is a lawyer going to do when he hears you repeat these, sue you?
Uh oh…
Here are 9 bad dad lawyer jokes:
151. What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
Say this as you release the hounds.
Show Answer
Answer
A doberman pinscher.
152. What separates witnesses from the lowest form of life on earth?
Show Answer
Answer
The wooden partitions around the witness stand.
153. How many lawyer jokes are there, anyway?
Show Answer
Answer
Only three. The rest are true stories.
154. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck,
A better lawyer would have pinned it one someone else!
Show Answer
Answer
but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
155. Arguing with a lawyer is like wrestling a pig in mud…
Ew…but probably true…
Show Answer
Answer
Sooner or later you realize that they like it.
via: Pexels / Kaboompics .com
156. A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender,
How the law works in Florida.
Show Answer
Answer
“Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Sure do,” replied the bartender.
157. What do you get if you send the Godfather to law school?
Show Answer
Answer
An offer you can’t understand.
158. What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
Show Answer
Answer
Not enough sand.
159. What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 60??
Show Answer
Answer
Your Honor.
11 bad dad office jokes
via: Pexels / Jopwell
If bad dad jokes are actually welcome anywhere, it’s probably the office. The day is just so boring and monotonous, your colleagues may look forward to your obnoxious office jokes. So, keep these in your pocket and toss them out around the water cooler.
Here are 11 bad dad office jokes:
160. When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency, I always write,
Funny and sound advice.
Show Answer
Answer
‘A very good doctor’.
161. When my boss asked me who is the stupid one – him or me –
So much better than the “I’m with Stupid” shirt.
Show Answer
Answer
I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.
162. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
Show Answer
Answer
To steal from many is research.
163. Boss: ‘How can we keep the office clean?’
Only works if they haven’t seen your house.
Show Answer
Answer
Me: ‘By staying at home.’
via: Unsplash / LYCS Architecture
164. Someone has stolen my Microsoft Office, and they are going to pay for it…
Show Answer
Answer
You have my Word.
165. I don’t mind coming to work;
If only the job was just the commute.
Show Answer
Answer
it’s the eight-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.
166. Why doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job?
Show Answer
Answer
He still ends up with the same boss.
167. Old architects never die,
Show Answer
Answer
they just lose their structures.
168. Old cashiers never die,
Show Answer
Answer
they just check out.
169. Old chemists never die,
Show Answer
Answer
they just fail to react.
170. Old cooks never die,
Best keep the knives away, then.
Show Answer
Answer
they just get deranged.
11 bad dad church jokes
via: Pexels / Wendy Wei
If there’s one place you don’t want to be bad, it’s church. And yet, if there’s one place where you could really use some bad dad jokes to liven up the place…it’s also church. What a dilemma.
Here’s the solution: tell the church jokes now, and get forgiveness later. That way you can kill and still get saved.
Here are 11 bad dad church jokes:
171. What time of day was Adam created?
Show Answer
Answer
Just a little before Eve.
172. Who was the fastest runner in the race? Adam.
Not much of a race, was it?
Show Answer
Answer
He was first in the human race.
173. Why did the unemployed man get excited while reading his Bible?
Show Answer
Answer
He thought he saw a job.
174. How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
Also, he knew a guy who couple multiply fish. Useful.
Show Answer
Answer
By his net income.
via: Pexels / Johannes Plenio
175. Do photons have mass?
Sure to get a few, “bless your hearts.”
Show Answer
Answer
I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
176. Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?
Show Answer
Answer
Because Noah was standing on the deck
177. What kind of car does Jesus drive?
Show Answer
Answer
A Christler.
178. Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
This one hits right down in the belly.
Show Answer
Answer
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
179. How long did Cain hate his brother?
Show Answer
Answer
As long as he was Abel.
180. How do groups of angels greet each other?
Show Answer
Answer
Halo, halo, halo.
181. What kind of alcohol do you find in church?
Make sure you brought enough to sherri.
Show Answer
Answer
Holy spirits!
10 cheesy bad dad jokes
via: Pexels / freestocks.org
The most perfect joke harmony in the world is the combination of bad dad jokes and cheesy jokes into a single, awful punchline. If you were really looking for jokes that might lose you friendships they’re so bad…you’ve found them!
Here are 10 cheesy bad dad jokes:
182. At work, we have a printer we’ve nicknamed Bob Marley.
Does it get anymore dad joke than this?
Show Answer
Answer
It’s always jammin’.
183. A Dad walks into a bookstore and says, “ Can I have a book by Shakespeare?” “Of course, sir, which one?
Don’t want any of those Chad Shakespeare books.
Show Answer
Answer
Dad: William.
184. I’ll never date another apostrophe.
Show Answer
Answer
The last one was too possessive.
185. What do you call a row of people lifting mozzarella?
Amazingly, this is a great pickup line on its own.
Show Answer
Answer
A cheesy pick-up line.
via: Unsplash / Ethan Hu
186. England doesn’t have a kidney bank.
Show Answer
Answer
But it does have a Liverpool.
187. What do you call a fly without wings?
Show Answer
Answer
A walk.
188. What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?
Show Answer
Answer
An Orca-stra!
189. I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger.
Show Answer
Answer
Then it hit me.
190. I’m thinking of reasons to go to Switzerland.
Show Answer
Answer
The flag is a big plus.
191. I didn’t like my beard at first.
I mustache you to laugh at this one.
Show Answer
Answer
Then it grew on me.
8 bad dad blonde jokes
via: Unsplash / Yolanda Sun
No one gives dads more material than blondes. Which is why dads will never accept that these blonde jokes have no correspondence with reality. For the bad dad joke crowd, all that matters is that somewhere, someone is ditzy and blonde enough for these jokes to ring true.
Here are 8 bad dad blonde jokes:
192. Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?”
Show Answer
Answer
The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.”
193. A robber comes into the store & steals a TV.
Show Answer
Answer
A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!”
194. What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box?
Show Answer
Answer
Omg, donut seeds!
195. Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?
No one can say she’s not thoughtful…sort of.
Show Answer
Answer
Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!!
via: Unsplash / Logan Ripley
196. Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender?
Show Answer
Answer
Because she wanted to make apple juice.
197. What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
Show Answer
Answer
A blonde at a flashing red light.
198. How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
Show Answer
Answer
M&M shells on the floor.
199. How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
Just getting the raking done a few seasons early.
Show Answer
Answer
She fell out of the tree.
10 witty bad dad jokes
via: Pexels / cottonbro
There’s always something witty about a bad dad joke. After all, puns do take a bit of work, but these witty jokes actually elevate your dad jokes to another level. That won’t make anyone actually respect you, but at least you can feel a little pride in your work!
Here are 10 witty bad dad jokes:
200. Why do bananas need sunscreen?
Show Answer
Answer
Because they peel.
201. I don’t trust stairs.
Well, that escalated quickly.
Show Answer
Answer
They’re always up to something.
202. Son: Where are my sunglasses?
Show Answer
Answer
Dad: I don’t know…where are my dad glasses?.
203. You shouldn’t kiss anyone on January 1st
At least don’t kiss them on the month.
Show Answer
Answer
because it’s only the first date.
204. Want to hear my pizza joke?
Show Answer
Answer
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
via: Pexels / Adrienn
205. What time is it?
Show Answer
Answer
I don’t know. It keeps changing.
206. Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
There’s the ring of truth about this one.
Show Answer
Answer
Its very time-consuming.
207. Is there a hole in your shoe?
Show Answer
Answer
No… Then how’d you get your foot in it?
208. What do you call a million rabbits walking backwards?
They’ll be all ears to hear this one.
Show Answer
Answer
A receding hareline!
209. Every night at 11:11,
Show Answer
Answer
I make a wish that someone will come fix my broken clock.
13 funniest bad dad jokes ever
via: Pexels / Bruce Mars
Believe it or not, bad dad jokes can be placed amongst the funniest jokes ever. No, really. After all, when you pick jokes from this list, you’re dealing with the highest quality bad jokes out there. And there’s really nothing funnier than stinking awful humor.
Here are 13 funniest bad dad jokes ever:
210. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
Show Answer
Answer
He was just going through a stage.
211. What do you call a pile of cats?
Show Answer
Answer
A meow-tain.
212. How many lips does a flower have?
Show Answer
Answer
Tu-lips.
213. What do elves do after school?
Fairy funny.
Show Answer
Answer
Their gnome work.
214. Which hand is better to write with? Neither,
Been doing it wrong all my life.
Show Answer
Answer
it’s better to write with a pen.
via: Pexels / Bruce Mars
215. I sold my vacuum cleaner,
Show Answer
Answer
it was just gathering dust.
216. Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns.
Show Answer
Answer
That’s just how eye roll
217. Did you hear that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be doing a movie about classical music?
Come with me if you want to Liszt.
Show Answer
Answer
He’ll be Bach.
218. Cooking out this weekend?
Show Answer
Answer
Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
219. My kid wants to invent a pencil with an eraser on each end,
He’ll need to get the lead out.
Show Answer
Answer
but I just don’t see the point.
220. My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean.
Show Answer
Answer
I don’t know why she’s mad at me.
221. I love my furniture.
Show Answer
Answer
My recliner and I go way back.
222. 6:30 is my favorite time of day,
Show Answer
Answer
hands down.
13 bad pirate dad jokes
via: Unsplash / Radu Florin
Dads love pirates. After all, they’re old, corny, and easy to laugh at…just like dads. So, tell a few of these pirate jokes, me matey, and see if you can’t get a few yo-hos from the crowd.
Here are 10 bad pirate dad jokes:
223. What does a dyslexic pirate say?
Show Answer
Answer
RRRRRRA!
224. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Show Answer
Answer
Just wait til they get to R.
225. Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
Show Answer
Answer
It’s rated AARRRRGGH!
226. What’s a pirate’s second-choice job?
Show Answer
Answer
An arrrrrrchitect!
via: Unsplash / Daniel McCullough
227. How did the pirate stop smoking?
They’ve got this one pegged.
Show Answer
Answer
He used the patch!
228. What is piratophobia?
Show Answer
Answer
Fear of a sunken chest!
229. What subject are pirates best at at school?
Time would be better spent in swimming class.
Show Answer
Answer
Arrrrt.
230. How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
Show Answer
Answer
Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
231. To err is human.
Show Answer
Answer
To arr is seriously pirate.
232. How do pirates communicate with each other?
Show Answer
Answer
With an Aye phone.
11 bad “what do you call” dad jokes
via: Bigstockphoto / JacobLund
What do you call “what do you call jokes” that are also bad dad jokes? Hysterical.
Here are 11 bad what do you call dad jokes:
233. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
Show Answer
Answer
An Investigator
234. What do you call a baby monkey?
Show Answer
Answer
A Chimp off the old block.
235. What do you call a fat psychic?
Show Answer
Answer
A four chin teller.
236. What do you call a computer floating in the ocean?
Someone like you would tell that joke.
Show Answer
Answer
A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
237. What do you call a computer that sings?
Show Answer
Answer
A-Dell
238. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
I’ll have to check that one with the dictionary.
Show Answer
Answer
a thesaurus.
via: Unsplash / Pisit Heng
239. What do you call a sleeping bull?
Show Answer
Answer
A bulldozer!
240. What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?
Show Answer
Answer
Instagram.
241. What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Show Answer
Answer
Toad.
242. What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
Show Answer
Answer
A Yamahahaha
243. What do you call a fish without an eye?
This one stinks.
Show Answer
Answer
Fsh.
10 bad new years dad jokes
via: Pexels / Daria Shevtsova
New years is a time to make sure you start everything off on the right foot. Instead, scrap that, and tell a bunch of bad dad new years jokes that leave everyone wishing they’d chosen a different party.
Here are 10 bad new years dad jokes:
244. What’s the Problem with Jogging on New Year’s Eve?
Show Answer
Answer
The ice falls out of your drink!
245. What Happened to the Irish Man Who Thought about the Evils of Drinking in the New Year?
Wise man.
Show Answer
Answer
He gave up thinking.
246. What’s the forecast for New Year’s Eve?
Show Answer
Answer
Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
247. What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve?
Show Answer
Answer
I haven’t seen you for a year!
248. What do you say to a cat on December 31?
Show Answer
Answer
Happy Mew Year!
249. How do you know you’ve found the New Year’s Eve party?
Should auld places be forgot…
Show Answer
Answer
Look for the Auld Lang Sign!
via: Pexels / Belle Co
250. On New Year’s Eve, we shall be feeling no pain
Show Answer
Answer
except, of course, for the champagne.
251. Did you hear that Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
Show Answer
Answer
There was a count down!
252. Why did the couple get married at midnight on December 31?
Show Answer
Answer
They wanted to ring in the new year!
253. Where do chefs go to celebrate New Year’s Eve?
That’s an oregano joke.
Show Answer
Answer
Thyme’s Square!
254. Did you know that on New Year’s Eve, even the fireworks made a resolution?
Show Answer
Answer
They want to stop smoking!
255. Celebrating New Year’s Eve has lots of pros, but what’s the biggest con?
Show Answer
Answer
The con-fetti!
18 bad nerd dad jokes
via: Pexels / Buro Millennial
Dads are nerds. It’s the nerdiest job you ever take on, and it kills any cool you had left in you. But, hey, on the plus side, you get to enjoy these bad dad nerd jokes. So, great call?
Here are 18 bad nerd dad jokes:
256. Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
Show Answer
Answer
An umbrella.
257. Q: Why did the belt go to jail?
A strapping good joke.
Show Answer
Answer
Because it held up a pair of pants!
258. Q: What happens if life gives you melons?
Show Answer
Answer
You’re dyslexic
259. Why Can’t You Trust Atoms?
Show Answer
Answer
They make up everything.
260. I Have a New Theory on Inertia
Show Answer
Answer
it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
261. Did You Know There’s a Band Called 1023MB.
I hear they’re mega, though.
Show Answer
Answer
They’re not bad, but they haven’t had any gigs yet.
via: Unsplash / Sara Kurfeß
262. Where Does Bad Light End Up?
Show Answer
Answer
In prism.
263. Parallel Lines Have So Much in Common.
Show Answer
Answer
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
264. What is a cation afraid of?
Show Answer
Answer
Dogions.
265. Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Show Answer
Answer
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
266. Why did the bear dissolve in water?
Show Answer
Answer
It was polar.
267. Why did I divide Sin by Tan?
Your calculator gets it.
Show Answer
Answer
Just Cos.
via: Unsplash / Kelly Sikkema
268. What do you call an educated tube?
Show Answer
Answer
A graduated cylinder.
269. Have you heard about the sick chemist?
This joke is solid aurum.
Show Answer
Answer
If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, you’ll probably have to barium.
270. What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
Show Answer
Answer
Beer.
271. My teacher said to me, “Name two pronouns.”
Show Answer
Answer
I said, “Who, me?”
272. A statistician gave birth to twins, but only had one of them baptized.
Show Answer
Answer
She kept the other as a control.
273. Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
Show Answer
Answer
A: Na
15 bad thanksgiving dad jokes
via: Pexels / Lisa Fotios
Look, you’re already a bit of a turkey, so why not just wing this Thanksgiving and really indulge your inner dad jokester with these unforgivable thanksgiving jokes. Your family will be grateful to finally get away.
Here are 15 bad Thanksgiving dad jokes:
274. My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes,
Based on what I’ve seen, you’re right.
Show Answer
Answer
I told them I couldn’t just quit “cold turkey.”
275. What do you call a stuffed animal?
Show Answer
Answer
You after thanksgiving.
276. If Pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on?
Show Answer
Answer
Scholar ships.
277. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Delicious, delicious math…
Show Answer
Answer
Pumpkin PI!
via: Unsplash / Tim Mossholder
278. What happens when you’re too harsh on cranberries and make them sad?
Show Answer
Answer
They turn into blueberries!
279. How did they send the turkey through the mail?
They’d send it airmail, but turkeys don’t fly well.
Show Answer
Answer
Bird class!
280. What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
Show Answer
Answer
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
281. Who isn’t hungry on Thanksgiving?
Show Answer
Answer
The turkey, because he’s already stuffed!
282. Who was the drummer in the Thanksgiving band?
Show Answer
Answer
The turkey, because he had the drumsticks!
283. What type of key is not good for opening doors?
Show Answer
Answer
A Tur-key!
via: Unsplash / SJ Baren
284. What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Show Answer
Answer
The G
285. What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
They really could have used being kept under his wing.
Show Answer
Answer
If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!
286. Why did Johnny get such low grades after Thanksgiving?
Show Answer
Answer
Because everything is marked down after the holidays.
287. What kind of vegetable would you like on thanksgiving?
Well, that solves that pickle.
Show Answer
Answer
Beets me!
288. What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
Show Answer
Answer
Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
17 bad shark dad jokes
via: Unsplash / Eric Ward
How are sharks like dad jokes? They both sink and everyone would really rather avoid them. But hey, when you tell bad dad shark jokes, at least you know someone will be grinning…Jaws.
Here are 17 bad shark dad jokes:
289. What do sharks say when something cool happens?
Show Answer
Answer
Jawesome!
290. What did the shark say after eating a clown fish?
This joke’s got a bit of a bite to it.
Show Answer
Answer
This tastes a little funny!
291. What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
Show Answer
Answer
Shawshark Redemption
292. What’s a shark’s favorite bible story?
Show Answer
Answer
Noah’s Shark.
293. Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
The punchline is almost…unbe-reef-able.
Show Answer
Answer
To get to the other tide.
via: Unsplash / Erin Simmons
294. The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
Show Answer
Answer
The joke’s wearing fin.
295. The star attraction at my local aquarium has been repossessed.
Show Answer
Answer
Turns out it was a loan shark.
296. What do you call the mushy stuff between a great white shark’s teeth?
Show Answer
Answer
Slow swimmers.
297. What kind of shark is always gambling?
Show Answer
Answer
A card shark.
298. How did the hammerhead do on his test?
I had a sinking feeling he’d get a C.
Show Answer
Answer
He nailed it.
299. What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Show Answer
Answer
Jaw-va.
300. What was the marine biologist’s kid’s excuse for not having his homework?…
Show Answer
Answer
“My shark ate it!”
via: Unsplash / Santi Vedrí
301. What should you do if you see a shark?…
Swim far, far away![/learn_more]
302. How did the shark plead in it’s murder trial?
Show Answer
Answer
Not gill-ty.
303. What do sharks order at McDonalds?
Sounds a bit fishy to me.
Show Answer
Answer
A quarter flounder.
304. Where do sharks go on vacation?
Show Answer
Answer
Fin-land.
305. How does a shark greet a fish?
Show Answer
Answer
Pleased to eat you.
Here is how to use bad dad jokes
via: Depositphotos / luckybusiness
You’ve got an oyster of bad dad jokes here, but how can you be sure you don’t clam up and flub the delivery? Just follow these four steps to ensure you get all the best—and worst—reactions to your terrible sense of humor!
Here is how to use bad dad jokes:
1. Choose the joke that fits the event
We’ve got bad dad jokes for every occasion. So, use that to your advantage. Pick jokes that fit the moment, so that the jokes are topical.
2. Practice your punchline
The key to bad dad joke success is to make sure you deliver the punchline well. You want to make sure everyone picks up on your play on words. So, practice a few times to make sure you get it right when you need to.
3. Lean into the groan
You don’t tell bad dad jokes to get hysterical laughter, you tell them to get a groan and a laugh people are ashamed of. Lean into that. Be ready to embarrass yourself to get the joke right.
4. Bring back ups
via: Pexels / Sharefaith
Whether your joke plays well and people want more, or it fails and you need another to rescue yourself, always have a few extra bad ad jokes on hand.
Downloadable and Printable List of Bad Dad Jokes
Here is a downloadable and printable list of Bad Dad Jokes. (right click the image and select Save Image As..):
![BAD_DAD_JOKES-1[1]](https://gamertelligence.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/BAD_DAD_JOKES-11.jpg)
via: Gamertelligence.com
More Awesome Jokes To Tell
The jokes don’t stop once you’ve run out of bad dad jokes. We’ve got jokes for all occasions.
Just check these out:
- These math jokes really add up.
- In partisan times, these political jokes can really bring us all together!
- No chemistry in this conversation? Try throwing some science jokes into the mix.
- For the distracted audience, keep it short with these best one-liner jokes.
- We live our lives on the screen, so these computer jokes are always topical!
In Conclusion
There’s a lot of great things about being a dad, but once you get beyond the kids, one of the best benefits is having full access to all the dad jokes out there. These lovely bad jokes are terrible, sure, but those are the most fun to tell.
We’ve put together some of the best bad dad jokes out there. These jokes are what it’s all about: the fun is in knowing you’ve got an awful punchline and really relishing letting it lose.
So, dads and dads-to-be-someday, pick through your favorite bad dad jokes above, prepare for some groans, and laugh away.
