
17 Knock Knock Jokes - New And Cheerful Ways To Flirt With Anyone
by Jasper Chase | Nov 12, 2021 | 0Featured
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via: Pexels / Tatiana Syrikova
When you really think about it, there's not much difference between bad dad jokes and corny jokes.
Really, if the jokes are bad enough, you know a dad would be happy to share them.
But just because dad jokes are "bad," doesn't mean they aren't also really, really good. Bad dad jokes make people groan and role their eyes, sure, but they also make people burst out laughing.
Whether you're a new dad getting into his comedic groove, an old hand at the dad stuff looking to sharpen up his cheesy punchlines, or just a guy looking to indulge in comedy's worst—and best—kind of humor, we've got all the best bad dad jokes for you, right here.
via: Unsplash / NeONBRAND
When you are on the lookout for the biggest, baddest, worst dad jokes on the planet, you have to start with the best. These are pure, unadulterated bad dad jokes, designed in a lab a mile under the earth and rigorously tested to radiate everyone with wonderful, awful humor.
Here are the 15 best bad dad jokes:
It's impossible to put down!
Nobody knows.
I’ll let you know
They're laughing, really, just...silently.
Sign Language
via: Pexels / fotografierende
A truly arrrrgh-ful joke.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Great food, no atmosphere.
All of them.
A joke sure to get a chilly reception.
Igloos it together
I got them all cut.
A joke that really Fall's flat in the autumn.
Because he was outstanding in his field.
via: Pexels / Egor Kunovsky
At least they have a nose...
Because they have no body to go with.
I'm still working on it.
He let out a little wine.
It's a total rip-off.
via: Unsplash / Danielle MacInnes
People love corny jokes. If they didn't love them, would they really spend so much time around you? So, get to work plowing through these bad but corny dad jokes and see what reactions pop up!
Here are 17 bad corny dad jokes:
Too close for comfort food!
No wonder. Who's buying the tickets at that exorbitant price?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
Because he was outstanding in his field!
Nothing, they fast!
Another joke sure to fall flat...in just the right way.
It was two tired!
via: Unsplash / Serkan Turk
This one is sure to suck the oxygen out of the room.
Great food, no atmosphere!
A two-knee fish!
Because they cantaloupe!
European.
This joke really takes you for a ride.
Attire!
via: Pexels / Denniz Futalan
Never mind... it's tearable.
A naturally, un-beaver-ably funny joke.
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
The bartender says, "Sorry we don’t serve food here."
Security question: "what is like a box of chocolates?"
1forrest1
via: Pexels / Lukas
DAD: "No, just leave it in the carton!’”
Aw, that's sweet.
They say he made a mint.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
via: Unsplash / Tim Mossholder
Knock knock. "Who's there?" "Groan." "Groan who?" "You're groan to love these terribly bad dad knock knock jokes."
Here are 10 bad knock knock dad jokes:
Who’s there?
Estelle.
Estelle who?
Estelle waiting for you to open this door!
Who’s there?
Control Freak.
Con—
Okay, now you say, “Control Freak who?!”
Who’s there?
Doughnut
Doughnut who?
Doughnut be afraid. It’s just me.
You can't beat this joke.
Eggstremely disappointed you still don’t recognize me.
Who's there?
Dee Wilson.
Dee Wilson who?
They'll hate you even more for getting that song stuck in their heads.
Who's there?
Surgeon.
Surgeon who?
That'll really cut them up.
Who's there?
The Grammar Police.
*ahem* Technically, "who" is more correct here...
via: Unsplash / Helloquence
Who’s there?
Bee Hive.
Bee Hive who?
They'll be buzzing about this one for weeks.
Bee Hive yourself!
Who’s there?
Cattle Drive.
Cattle Drive Who?
My Cattle Drive your dog crazy!
Who’s there?
The Ghost.
The Ghost who?
The Ghost is clear; you can come out!
Who’s there?
Barbara.
Barbara who?
They'll wooly love this one.
via: Pexels / Sabina
via: Unsplash / Jonathan Borba
Christmas has plenty of down time after the presents are open and before anyone's ready for dinner. How do you fill that time? This year, fill it with terribly bad dad Christmas jokes that will make everyone wish they'd stayed in their room for the holidays!
Here are 15 bad Christmas dad jokes:
Hits a gnome and runs.
That's cold, Frosty.
His wife was a total flake.
A Christmas quacker.
They’re into all the wrapping.
Nurse them back to elf
Bet your audience wishes they got ear muffs for Christmas.
Anything you want. He can’t hear you!
via: Pexels / Suzy Hazelwood
North Polish.
This one will really melt their hearts.
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
The elf-abet!
Let's just hope he doesn't crash Kringle.
A Holly Davidson!
Santa walking backwards!
Fleece Navidad!
A joke for those cereal bad dad joke offenders.
Frosted Flakes!
It needed to be trimmed!
Elfies!
via: Unsplash / Kay
If you are committed to telling terrible dad jokes, you have to be willing to look stupid. All the humor comes from that. So, embrace the stupidity and share it with everyone with these stupid jokes!
Here are 14 stupid bad dad jokes:
This joke's got them all beat.
Anna one, Anna two!
He felt his presents!
There's a pill for that now.
He had a reptile dysfunction.
I'm still working on it.
1forrest1
Broom Broom
Surely you Excel in your detective skills.
You have my Word!
Only if they're organic.
“GRRRAAAIINS!”
They have many fans.
Christian Bale.
This one really stitches them up.
He’s fully recovered.
To get his quarter back.
A deviled egg.
That jokes nothing to sneeze at.
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
via: Pexels / Lee Hnetinka
Dads love birthdays, not for the celebrations but because birthdays come with bad dad birthday jokes. Don't let your family down! Make sure you've got the worst dad jokes on hand to ruin everyone's birthday this year!
Here are 17 bad dad birthday jokes:
...They may stop now.
people don't stop toasting me.
From a cat-alogue.
Aye, matey!
They relish the moment.
You know where they serve deviled eggs.
Angel food cake.
via: Pexels / Pixabay
but I think too many can kill you.
You can't just brush this one off.
Thanks, I'll never part with it.
Mice cream and cake.
That's a real hot take.
Try taking the candles off.
Because it's hard to light them from the bottom.
She wanted to ice it.
It must have been falling apart.
It was feeling crumby.
No, they both burn shorter.
via: Pexels / Jan Kroon
There's no better source of humor than getting old, and now that you're telling bad dad jokes, you can get away with these old people jokes that you couldn't before. Because, you know, you're old now. Sorry.
Here are 8 bad dad old people jokes:
Well, that'll make for a nice change.
The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
Spoken like a true old coot.
I want to achieve it through not dying.
Wise...and unsettling all at once!
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
they ask for the money up front.
as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
via: Unsplash / Product School
On their forehead.
Somewhat more seasoned in different spots.
the Dead Sea was only sick.
via: Pexels / Heitor Verdi
Because dogs are man's best friend, they are also the butt of many of our jokes. I'm sure your dogs won't mind these bad dad dog jokes, but just in case...make sure you tell them out of their hearing.
Here are 14 bad dad dog jokes:
That hit the spot!
Bark.
A sub-woofer.
That's a real howler.
A sub-woofer. Ruff!
It’s hardly ever for them.
A spelling bee.
All dog owners know the truth behind this one!
Put him in your backyard!
via: Unsplash / Richard Brutyo
A watchdog.
A bull dog.
A lot of bites.
A true master of observation came up with this one.
They all do. I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before tucking in.
Anything you like, just very quietly.
No idea, but if it laughs, I join in.
My dog doesn’t ride a bike!
via: Pexels / ELEVATE
We've all heard some x walks into a bar jokes in our time, and we all know, categorically, that those jokes are terrible. And that makes them perfect fodder for bad dad jokes.
Here are 9 bad walks into a bar dad jokes:
Well, that jokes makes for a nice change.
“Hey. This is a singles bar.”
A time traveler walks in a bar…
This joke can seem a little discordant.
“Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
“Shut your mouth!”
via: Unsplash / Mateus Campos Felipe
No joke.
Now, that's a corny joke!
“I’m all ears!”
He asks for one beer, and one for the road.
“We don’t serve your type here!”
You might spark some conversation with this one.
You guys better not start anything in here.
via: Unsplash / Fabien Maurin
Since the beginning of time, military jokes have been popular. After all, so long as the world has need militaries, the world has been finding humor in them. Whether you're a Major Dad or just love a good army joke, march a few of these bad dad military jokes out with some friends.
Here are 8 bad military dad jokes:
A Platoon
Awful...and yet, a pretty tasty punchline.
A Seasoned Veteran.
B-52 F-16 A-10.
Tell this when your military buddies are getting salty.
A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two kernels
Infantry.
via: Unsplash / Filip Mroz
but I kept drawing enemy fire.
But I shouldered on anyway.
He gave himself a "hi-ya" five.
The first time he saluted, he knocked himself out.
via: Pexels / Anastasia Shuraeva
For some, Easter is a holy day. For others, it's an excuse to hunt eggs and eat chocolate. For you, it's a chance to try out your new comedy routine. Make sure you are never short of material by hunting down the best Easter jokes we've got here.
Here are 13 bad Easter dad jokes:
He's also a bit cracked, like this joke.
Because he's an egghead.
From Eggplants.
Now he'll never get into collegg!
He was eggspelled!
Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!
He was a little chicken!
A hot cross bunny
You can skip this one.
Hoppy Easter!
via: Unsplash / Sweet Amaryllis
Tired.
With a hare dryer!
He won't awake until he sees the sunny side up again.
Eggs-austed.
Because they each have four rabbits’ feet!
Egg-stra terrestrial.
Is that a rabbit enough form of travel for him?
By hare-plane.
via: Pexels / Quang Nguyen Vinh
You know how grumpy you feel when you need coffee? What if, instead of getting a great cup of joe, you got a bunch of terrible coffee jokes instead? Sure, that's infuriating, but it's also super fun...at least for the joke teller.
Here are 10 bad coffee dad jokes:
Try this one while in line for your third espresso.
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
I asked for coffee.
Because it was mugged.
A great way to espresso your feelings.
I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
Depresso.
Jewish you had a cup now?
Hebrews it.
via: Pexels / Pixabay
Apparently, neither one was black.
Cream and Sugar.
Java the Hut!
Give them some coffee.
Coffee was definitely the perkiest of the seven dwarves.
Sneezy.
it’s from the garbage.
via: Pexels / Kaboompics .com
Some careers are obvious targets for dad jokes, and perhaps the easiest one is lawyers. Law is an almost universally despised profession, which makes it easy for dads to get away with some great lawyer jokes. I mean, what is a lawyer going to do when he hears you repeat these, sue you?
Uh oh...
Here are 9 bad dad lawyer jokes:
Say this as you release the hounds.
A doberman pinscher.
The wooden partitions around the witness stand.
Only three. The rest are true stories.
A better lawyer would have pinned it one someone else!
but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Ew...but probably true...
Sooner or later you realize that they like it.
via: Pexels / Kaboompics .com
How the law works in Florida.
“Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Sure do,” replied the bartender.
An offer you can't understand.
Not enough sand.
Your Honor.
via: Pexels / Jopwell
If bad dad jokes are actually welcome anywhere, it's probably the office. The day is just so boring and monotonous, your colleagues may look forward to your obnoxious office jokes. So, keep these in your pocket and toss them out around the water cooler.
Here are 11 bad dad office jokes:
Funny and sound advice.
‘A very good doctor’.
So much better than the "I'm with Stupid" shirt.
I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.
To steal from many is research.
Only works if they haven't seen your house.
Me: ‘By staying at home.’
via: Unsplash / LYCS Architecture
You have my Word.
If only the job was just the commute.
it’s the eight-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.
He still ends up with the same boss.
they just lose their structures.
they just check out.
they just fail to react.
Best keep the knives away, then.
they just get deranged.
via: Pexels / Wendy Wei
If there's one place you don't want to be bad, it's church. And yet, if there's one place where you could really use some bad dad jokes to liven up the place...it's also church. What a dilemma.
Here's the solution: tell the church jokes now, and get forgiveness later. That way you can kill and still get saved.
Here are 11 bad dad church jokes:
Just a little before Eve.
Not much of a race, was it?
He was first in the human race.
He thought he saw a job.
Also, he knew a guy who couple multiply fish. Useful.
By his net income.
via: Pexels / Johannes Plenio
Sure to get a few, "bless your hearts."
I didn't even know they were Catholic.
Because Noah was standing on the deck
A Christler.
This one hits right down in the belly.
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
As long as he was Abel.
Halo, halo, halo.
Make sure you brought enough to sherri.
Holy spirits!
via: Pexels / freestocks.org
The most perfect joke harmony in the world is the combination of bad dad jokes and cheesy jokes into a single, awful punchline. If you were really looking for jokes that might lose you friendships they're so bad...you've found them!
Here are 10 cheesy bad dad jokes:
Does it get anymore dad joke than this?
It's always jammin'.
Don't want any of those Chad Shakespeare books.
Dad: William.
The last one was too possessive.
Amazingly, this is a great pickup line on its own.
A cheesy pick-up line.
via: Unsplash / Ethan Hu
But it does have a Liverpool.
A walk.
An Orca-stra!
Then it hit me.
The flag is a big plus.
I mustache you to laugh at this one.
Then it grew on me.
via: Unsplash / Yolanda Sun
No one gives dads more material than blondes. Which is why dads will never accept that these blonde jokes have no correspondence with reality. For the bad dad joke crowd, all that matters is that somewhere, someone is ditzy and blonde enough for these jokes to ring true.
Here are 8 bad dad blonde jokes:
The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
Omg, donut seeds!
No one can say she's not thoughtful...sort of.
Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!!
via: Unsplash / Logan Ripley
Because she wanted to make apple juice.
A blonde at a flashing red light.
M&M shells on the floor.
Just getting the raking done a few seasons early.
She fell out of the tree.
via: Pexels / cottonbro
There's always something witty about a bad dad joke. After all, puns do take a bit of work, but these witty jokes actually elevate your dad jokes to another level. That won't make anyone actually respect you, but at least you can feel a little pride in your work!
Here are 10 witty bad dad jokes:
Because they peel.
Well, that escalated quickly.
They're always up to something.
Dad: I don't know...where are my dad glasses?.
At least don't kiss them on the month.
because it's only the first date.
Never mind, it's too cheesy.
via: Pexels / Adrienn
I don’t know. It keeps changing.
There's the ring of truth about this one.
Its very time-consuming.
No… Then how’d you get your foot in it?
They'll be all ears to hear this one.
A receding hareline!
I make a wish that someone will come fix my broken clock.
via: Pexels / Bruce Mars
Believe it or not, bad dad jokes can be placed amongst the funniest jokes ever. No, really. After all, when you pick jokes from this list, you're dealing with the highest quality bad jokes out there. And there's really nothing funnier than stinking awful humor.
Here are 13 funniest bad dad jokes ever:
He was just going through a stage.
A meow-tain.
Tu-lips.
Fairy funny.
Their gnome work.
Been doing it wrong all my life.
it’s better to write with a pen.
via: Pexels / Bruce Mars
it was just gathering dust.
That's just how eye roll
Come with me if you want to Liszt.
He'll be Bach.
Don't forget the pickle. It's kind of a big dill.
He'll need to get the lead out.
but I just don't see the point.
I don't know why she's mad at me.
My recliner and I go way back.
hands down.
via: Unsplash / Radu Florin
Dads love pirates. After all, they're old, corny, and easy to laugh at...just like dads. So, tell a few of these pirate jokes, me matey, and see if you can't get a few yo-hos from the crowd.
Here are 10 bad pirate dad jokes:
RRRRRRA!
Just wait til they get to R.
It’s rated AARRRRGGH!
An arrrrrrchitect!
via: Unsplash / Daniel McCullough
They've got this one pegged.
He used the patch!
Fear of a sunken chest!
Time would be better spent in swimming class.
Arrrrt.
Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
To arr is seriously pirate.
With an Aye phone.
via: Bigstockphoto / JacobLund
What do you call "what do you call jokes" that are also bad dad jokes? Hysterical.
Here are 11 bad what do you call dad jokes:
An Investigator
A Chimp off the old block.
A four chin teller.
Someone like you would tell that joke.
A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
A-Dell
I'll have to check that one with the dictionary.
a thesaurus.
via: Unsplash / Pisit Heng
A bulldozer!
Instagram.
Toad.
A Yamahahaha
This one stinks.
Fsh.
via: Pexels / Daria Shevtsova
New years is a time to make sure you start everything off on the right foot. Instead, scrap that, and tell a bunch of bad dad new years jokes that leave everyone wishing they'd chosen a different party.
Here are 10 bad new years dad jokes:
The ice falls out of your drink!
Wise man.
He gave up thinking.
Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
I haven't seen you for a year!
Happy Mew Year!
Should auld places be forgot...
Look for the Auld Lang Sign!
via: Pexels / Belle Co
except, of course, for the champagne.
There was a count down!
They wanted to ring in the new year!
That's an oregano joke.
Thyme’s Square!
They want to stop smoking!
The con-fetti!
via: Pexels / Buro Millennial
Dads are nerds. It's the nerdiest job you ever take on, and it kills any cool you had left in you. But, hey, on the plus side, you get to enjoy these bad dad nerd jokes. So, great call?
Here are 18 bad nerd dad jokes:
An umbrella.
A strapping good joke.
Because it held up a pair of pants!
You're dyslexic
They make up everything.
it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
I hear they're mega, though.
They're not bad, but they haven't had any gigs yet.
via: Unsplash / Sara Kurfeß
In prism.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
Dogions.
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
It was polar.
Your calculator gets it.
Just Cos.
via: Unsplash / Kelly Sikkema
A graduated cylinder.
This joke is solid aurum.
If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you'll probably have to barium.
Beer.
I said, "Who, me?"
She kept the other as a control.
A: Na
via: Pexels / Lisa Fotios
Look, you're already a bit of a turkey, so why not just wing this Thanksgiving and really indulge your inner dad jokester with these unforgivable thanksgiving jokes. Your family will be grateful to finally get away.
Here are 15 bad Thanksgiving dad jokes:
Based on what I've seen, you're right.
I told them I couldn't just quit "cold turkey."
You after thanksgiving.
Scholar ships.
Delicious, delicious math...
Pumpkin PI!
via: Unsplash / Tim Mossholder
They turn into blueberries!
They'd send it airmail, but turkeys don't fly well.
Bird class!
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
The turkey, because he's already stuffed!
The turkey, because he had the drumsticks!
A Tur-key!
via: Unsplash / SJ Baren
The G
They really could have used being kept under his wing.
If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!
Because everything is marked down after the holidays.
Well, that solves that pickle.
Beets me!
Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
via: Unsplash / Eric Ward
How are sharks like dad jokes? They both sink and everyone would really rather avoid them. But hey, when you tell bad dad shark jokes, at least you know someone will be grinning...Jaws.
Here are 17 bad shark dad jokes:
Jawesome!
This joke's got a bit of a bite to it.
This tastes a little funny!
Shawshark Redemption
Noah's Shark.
The punchline is almost...unbe-reef-able.
To get to the other tide.
via: Unsplash / Erin Simmons
The joke's wearing fin.
Turns out it was a loan shark.
Slow swimmers.
A card shark.
I had a sinking feeling he'd get a C.
He nailed it.
Jaw-va.
“My shark ate it!”
via: Unsplash / Santi Vedrí
Swim far, far away![/learn_more]
Not gill-ty.
Sounds a bit fishy to me.
A quarter flounder.
Fin-land.
Pleased to eat you.
via: Depositphotos / luckybusiness
You've got an oyster of bad dad jokes here, but how can you be sure you don't clam up and flub the delivery? Just follow these four steps to ensure you get all the best—and worst—reactions to your terrible sense of humor!
Here is how to use bad dad jokes:
We've got terrible dad jokes for every occasion. So, use that to your advantage. Pick jokes that fit the moment, so that the jokes are topical.
The key to bad dad joke success is to make sure you deliver the punchline well. You want to make sure everyone picks up on your play on words. So, practice a few times to make sure you get it right when you need to.
You don't tell bad dad jokes to get hysterical laughter, you tell them to get a groan and a laugh people are ashamed of. Lean into that. Be ready to embarrass yourself to get the joke right.
via: Pexels / Sharefaith
Whether your joke plays well and people want more, or it fails and you need another to rescue yourself, always have a few extra bad ad jokes on hand.
Here is a downloadable and printable list of Bad Dad Jokes. (right click the image and select Save Image As..):
via: Gamertelligence.com
The jokes don't stop once you've run out of bad dad jokes. We've got jokes for all occasions.
There's a lot of great things about being a dad, but once you get beyond the kids, one of the best benefits is having full access to all the dad jokes out there. These lovely bad jokes are terrible, sure, but those are the most fun to tell.
We've put together some of the best bad dad jokes out there. These jokes are what it's all about: the fun is in knowing you've got an awful punchline and really relishing letting it lose.
So, dads and dads-to-be-someday, pick through your favorite bad dad jokes above, prepare for some groans, and laugh away.
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